Thursday, March 27, 2014

Everything


Every sunday, and just about every other day afterwards, I think of blog topics. Every. Sunday.  And lately I've rarely actually sat down and written anything.

All I can think of is complaining.  Complaining about my health, complaining about how busy I am, complaining about how complicated life has become and complaining about how I'm not an artist full time.

All I can think of to type is negative.  Occasionally I want to type a how to, or describe the difference between using light thread and dark thread in miniature knots.

So this in this blog post I'm going to start on one of my topics and then I'm going to barrel forward and just type.  If I offend you or if you feel I go too negative, my apologies in advance.  This is just how I feel.

My health has been awful.  It's never been great but lately it's been off the charts and uncontrollable.  I've hit perimenopause and I'm miserable.  It's like PMS 24/7 with some added hot flashes thrown in to really make me feel nuttier than usual.  I'm starving all of the time, I'm angry one minute and want to cry the next. I can't focus some days to save my life.  Some days I'm so exhausted that I have to fight falling asleep in my studio chair or at my desk at work.  Taking some kind of hormones is out of the question for me because they give me fog brain.  I can't have fog brain. I refuse.  I have far too much to do..lol.

All the DRs say is that this is all "normal".  My hormone levels are "normal".  My bloodwork is all "normal".  Let me tell you, these days, I don't feel "normal".

Today I woke up with an awful migraine but I'm feeling a little better now.

I haven't been in the studio very often. I really miss it.  My focus is so gone that I sometimes get into the middle of making a knot, and then I get distracted and then I forget where I was in the knot.

I haven't touched my western pleasure saddle in over a month, I've forgotten the ideas I had on how to finish the shoulders.

I am making progress on the bridle donation for Model Horses Anonymous.  This particular bridle, has reins that are black with Black knots.  This may seem like "no big deal" but let me tell you, the darker the thread, the harder the knot.  With white or light thread it is very easy to see where the crosses and strands of the knot are, and therefore very easy (for me) to interweave.  When you're working on a knot that is black thread, against a black rein it is exceptionally difficult for your eyes to differentiate between strands and places where to run the interweave.  I haven't destroyed and restarted so many knots since I first started making knots!  But I think it's turning out great.  I feel like the hard work is entirely worth it.  I don't have any really "Good" photos of it but here are a couple of photos from my phone:



I broke my "Good" lens last fall after I dropped it so I am sending off to be repaired.  When that comes back I will be going to the Kentucky Horse Park to get photos of my favorite Akhal teke, Magnatli. :)

3 comments:

Lynn Isenbarger said...

A blog is a great place to express oneself, including venting when needed. I see no need to apologize. You've been through a lot, and you have a lot still on your plate. Hang in there - I hope things smooth out for you. And if they don't, I say to keep on writing, especially if you find that cathartic.

Just my two cents, and best of luck to you! :)

timaru star ii said...

I concur with Lynn. The fact that you prepare your audience in advance shows more care than many bloggers. I am hoping you can keep on doing things you love. Talk with you soon.

Lynn W said...

Heather, I hope things start to level out for you soon. It's very frustrating when things come back "normal" but you feel anything but. I'm going through a medical thing now too that has no explanation, so I get how completely frustrating it it. So vent away, it's your blog, you can do what you want on it.